Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
