I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
