dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize