Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
