You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
