Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
