Just cropdusted the office
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
