So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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