Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
