Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize