God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
