by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I wish you could order shots online.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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