all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
