Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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