I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
