Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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