I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
