maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
