Swine flu is the new snow day.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
