she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
