I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
