I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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