is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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