How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
