remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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