You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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