My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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