i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize