dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
