I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
