There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
