A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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