please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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