he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
