I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
My cat gives me a boner
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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