Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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