I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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