guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
