Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
