if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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