Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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