Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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