I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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