I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
