Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He did a backflip because drugs
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
