Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize