This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
