Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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