i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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