Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
