my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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