apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
