Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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