If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
