Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
