that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
