Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
foreskin is a definite game changer
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
