After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This baby is an asshole
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It's rum buckets o'clock
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
