Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
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