It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have grass duct taped all over my body
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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