Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
