she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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