This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
The best revenge is premature balding
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
