dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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