I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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