I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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