I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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