I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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