we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
why is half of my head shaved?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
