so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
