I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
