Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
