I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
