You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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