god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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