its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
