I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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