i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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